Where I Have Been :)

This month has been filled with snow, sickness, and scraping (the ceilings that is :).  Life has kept me busy, which is a good thing.  This past week, our older kids have participated in something that is a highlight in our homeschool every year...Drama Camp!  It is a great week full of fun, singing, dancing, painting, acting, and fellowshipping with other homeschool friends, that culminates with a performance the last night. 

We were so excited because this year was to be Rebekah's first year as a camper, Jonathan's third year, and Trey's sixth year.  Well...things started changing when we realized that Trey's basketball team would be playing in the regional tournament the last day of camp.  So, that put him out of camp...until we realized that he had fractured his right pinkie and was put in a cast...which put him out of basketball and back into Drama Camp!  Then, Jonathan, who has done so great the last two years, did not do so well...he ended up not being in the performance by his choice. This one was pretty difficult for us, as we are still not totally sure what changed his mind and bothered him so much to make him not want to participate.  He has always loved being on the stage and performing.  We have dissected the problem, and honestly, this blog is not where I want to analyze it.  I guess I am bringing it up because I feel a need to vent :). 

There was no discrimination or meanness that we know of to make him uncomfortable.  In fact, this group of children almost goes overboard trying to make him feel welcome, which makes us feel happy that they care so much about him. 

I guess I find myself wondering...are we starting to come to more crossroads, more realities to face, reminders once again that our path is different than most?  Our plans cannot be typical or many times come to reality for us.  I know God is in control of our son's life, and of all of our children.  It is just difficult when things do not go the way we feel that we should (oh that sounds so shallow--I should have learned this lesson by now). 

They had a professional videographer there tonight and all I could think about was how great it would have been for other people to see that this camp has a child with Down syndrome.  A child with Down syndrome who sings, paints, acts, & participates...and he is embraced by others while doing it!  But my plans were not God's plans.  I hurt for Jonathan that whatever it was that made him not want to complete camp and actually upset him, is something that he cannot fully express to me.  Another mom who has a child too young to be in the camp, but whose child also has Down syndrome, expressed to me the thought that maybe reality is setting in with him, so to speak.  I think there is validity to what she was saying; I believe fully that Jonathan sees his siblings and peers doing tasks that when he cannot do them, he is frustrated and many times even sad.

I admit, I know there is some pride in me.  I wanted three of my children up on the stage together.  But it is so not about that.  More than anything, in my heart, more than solos or leading roles, I want our children's hearts to belong solely to God.  I want their passion to be for him. 

So, in this whole maze of emotions that I am trying to work through right now, I am happy and proud of the job that Trey & Rebekah did tonight.  I enjoyed getting to sit with Jonathan and see him enjoying  the performance.  As soon as it was over, he wanted to walk down and give Rebekah the rose we had bought her.  He was proud of his brother and sister.

Thank you for reading my ramblings and thoughts.  I will just close with the reminder that God is still in control and has walked this road before us.  And for that, I am truly thankful.