On Sisterhood and Change
It has been a while since I have typed a post. One of my sisters reminded me of this recently :). There have been many posts in my head over the course of this summer, but this if the first to make it to my fingers. I knew it was coming, I just was not sure how to articulate it. So, here goes...
I realize now that I have been privy to several clubs, or sisterhoods, if you will. I guess I think in terms of sisterhoods, since I am blessed to have three sisters whom I love dearly (and also a brother :). Some sisterhoods, as the one I was born into, I have gladly accepted that I was a part, while others took me longer to accept my "membership."
In 1993, I joined the sisterhood of married women. I was giddy with joy and love on our wedding day! My husband loves the Lord, loves me, is super handsome ;), and loves family. I did not understand the depth of all these things at the tender age of 21, almost 22, but that would come.
In 1996, I joined the sisterhood of moms. Oh what joy after trying to conceive for many months to give birth to my precious Harvey, III ("Trey," as we call him)! The sisterhood of moms was a joyful club to belong to, young moms learning to raise babies, love husbands, and still continue to grow in Christ. It was a sweet time in my life.
In 1998, I became part of a sad sisterhood, now being able to bond with women who had a lost child due to miscarriage. It was heart breaking and emotional, and unfortunately, this would happen again two more times in the course of our marriage, in 2000, and again in 2007. Not getting to hold a baby that you have prayed for and longed for, if only for a short time, is heartbreaking.
In 1999, much to our shock, we found out that our sweet baby boy I was carrying had Down syndrome, and then at his birth, had a heart defect requiring surgery at his tender age of only four months old. I wept and feared this new sisterhood of having a child with a disability, but God, as only He can, carried us through and showed us that Jonathan having Ds was a blessing and part of a wonderful plan for our family. Now, I feel a special bond that I cannot describe with other moms of children with disabilities.
In 2000, for a brief time, I was part of a sisterhood of Moms with Twins. Twin baby girls! Oh the joy & elation! We had several ultrasounds, until one day, our sweet little girls had no heart beat on the ultrasound. The darkness and sadness I felt in those days was to only be taken away by the hope and assurance of having a relationship with my loving Heavenly Father.
In 2002, I joined the sisterhood of officially becoming a girl mama! Even though I loved our precious boys, after the twins died, I felt a strong desire to have a little girl and God answered that prayer with sweet Rebekah. What fun to have a little girl to dress up and do "girly" things with!
In 2004, much to our shock and laughter, God called us to home school our children! This was a sweet sisterhood to join as I had family and friends already homeschooling who were there along the way to guide and encourage us in our journey. It would turn out to be a sisterhood that I am still a part of today!
In 2005, God let me enter the sisterhood of being a boy mama 3 times! Benjamin was an easy sweet little baby boy who brought healing that we did not even realize that we needed. He turned into a fearless toddler and little boy who always kept us on our toes, but had an unselfish heart that made us smile (and still does :).
In 2008, I got to join the sisterhood of having a home birth when Miss Elizabeth decided to come quickly as we were getting ready to leave for the hospital! I also now got to join the sisterhood of being a mama to sisters, as well as brothers. God is so good and answered a prayer/desire we had when we were dating, to have five children!
Fast forward many years, many memories, and now I am approaching a new sisterhood yet again. This one of the mamas whose kids, specifically boys, go away to college. As I am writing this, the faces of family and dear friends are passing through my mind that have talked to me, encouraged me, and even warned me. Sweet, godly women, who still get misty-eyed when they talk about their daughters and their sons going away that first time. Some, their children have even graduated from college and gotten married, yet the pain of that first college good bye is fresh in their minds and their hearts. One dear friend even told me that when a child leaves for college, whenever we see that child again, it will always be with a suitcase in that child's hand.
The relationship between a mom and her son is complicated. When they are babies, it is not. We are the woman in the life of our boy. We care for them, with hearts that open wide as soon as we know they are forming in our bellies. We love them dearly, knowing all along that one day we will have to let them go, that it will be healthy to let them go, that it is God's plan to let them go. We pray for them to grow to be strong men of God, brave in their faith, eager to grow their faith, to own it. And then, one day, Lord willing, they do just that. They are driving, working, maybe dating, turning 18, visiting colleges, applying to colleges, and then in the blink of an eye, graduating. And the summer months following that graduation, they fly, as summer months do, and you wish them to slow down. For just one day to go back to the chair in the nursery where you can rock that sweet boy and sing to him, and kiss his tiny head. But that day has passed and a new day has come. And that is where I am today. For on Wednesday, we will pack up all the things, and then help him unpack all the things in a dorm room that is not in our home. And then we will drive away, leaving him to start the new life with faith and prayers that he will thrive and continue to grow his faith in hard times and good times. In adversity and joy, that he will always seek Christ first.
So, this is the new sisterhood for me, and I am thankful to belong to it even though it is tough. It will be new and different as all of the sisterhoods have been, and the ache in my mama heart will be felt real when I walk by his room and miss our late night conversations, or the kiss on his cheek when he is sleeping. But we know that he is ready for this adventure, and we are ready to cheer him on and pray him through this new journey.
I realize now that I have been privy to several clubs, or sisterhoods, if you will. I guess I think in terms of sisterhoods, since I am blessed to have three sisters whom I love dearly (and also a brother :). Some sisterhoods, as the one I was born into, I have gladly accepted that I was a part, while others took me longer to accept my "membership."
In 1993, I joined the sisterhood of married women. I was giddy with joy and love on our wedding day! My husband loves the Lord, loves me, is super handsome ;), and loves family. I did not understand the depth of all these things at the tender age of 21, almost 22, but that would come.
In 1996, I joined the sisterhood of moms. Oh what joy after trying to conceive for many months to give birth to my precious Harvey, III ("Trey," as we call him)! The sisterhood of moms was a joyful club to belong to, young moms learning to raise babies, love husbands, and still continue to grow in Christ. It was a sweet time in my life.
In 1998, I became part of a sad sisterhood, now being able to bond with women who had a lost child due to miscarriage. It was heart breaking and emotional, and unfortunately, this would happen again two more times in the course of our marriage, in 2000, and again in 2007. Not getting to hold a baby that you have prayed for and longed for, if only for a short time, is heartbreaking.
In 1999, much to our shock, we found out that our sweet baby boy I was carrying had Down syndrome, and then at his birth, had a heart defect requiring surgery at his tender age of only four months old. I wept and feared this new sisterhood of having a child with a disability, but God, as only He can, carried us through and showed us that Jonathan having Ds was a blessing and part of a wonderful plan for our family. Now, I feel a special bond that I cannot describe with other moms of children with disabilities.
In 2000, for a brief time, I was part of a sisterhood of Moms with Twins. Twin baby girls! Oh the joy & elation! We had several ultrasounds, until one day, our sweet little girls had no heart beat on the ultrasound. The darkness and sadness I felt in those days was to only be taken away by the hope and assurance of having a relationship with my loving Heavenly Father.
In 2002, I joined the sisterhood of officially becoming a girl mama! Even though I loved our precious boys, after the twins died, I felt a strong desire to have a little girl and God answered that prayer with sweet Rebekah. What fun to have a little girl to dress up and do "girly" things with!
In 2004, much to our shock and laughter, God called us to home school our children! This was a sweet sisterhood to join as I had family and friends already homeschooling who were there along the way to guide and encourage us in our journey. It would turn out to be a sisterhood that I am still a part of today!
In 2005, God let me enter the sisterhood of being a boy mama 3 times! Benjamin was an easy sweet little baby boy who brought healing that we did not even realize that we needed. He turned into a fearless toddler and little boy who always kept us on our toes, but had an unselfish heart that made us smile (and still does :).
In 2008, I got to join the sisterhood of having a home birth when Miss Elizabeth decided to come quickly as we were getting ready to leave for the hospital! I also now got to join the sisterhood of being a mama to sisters, as well as brothers. God is so good and answered a prayer/desire we had when we were dating, to have five children!
Fast forward many years, many memories, and now I am approaching a new sisterhood yet again. This one of the mamas whose kids, specifically boys, go away to college. As I am writing this, the faces of family and dear friends are passing through my mind that have talked to me, encouraged me, and even warned me. Sweet, godly women, who still get misty-eyed when they talk about their daughters and their sons going away that first time. Some, their children have even graduated from college and gotten married, yet the pain of that first college good bye is fresh in their minds and their hearts. One dear friend even told me that when a child leaves for college, whenever we see that child again, it will always be with a suitcase in that child's hand.
The relationship between a mom and her son is complicated. When they are babies, it is not. We are the woman in the life of our boy. We care for them, with hearts that open wide as soon as we know they are forming in our bellies. We love them dearly, knowing all along that one day we will have to let them go, that it will be healthy to let them go, that it is God's plan to let them go. We pray for them to grow to be strong men of God, brave in their faith, eager to grow their faith, to own it. And then, one day, Lord willing, they do just that. They are driving, working, maybe dating, turning 18, visiting colleges, applying to colleges, and then in the blink of an eye, graduating. And the summer months following that graduation, they fly, as summer months do, and you wish them to slow down. For just one day to go back to the chair in the nursery where you can rock that sweet boy and sing to him, and kiss his tiny head. But that day has passed and a new day has come. And that is where I am today. For on Wednesday, we will pack up all the things, and then help him unpack all the things in a dorm room that is not in our home. And then we will drive away, leaving him to start the new life with faith and prayers that he will thrive and continue to grow his faith in hard times and good times. In adversity and joy, that he will always seek Christ first.
So, this is the new sisterhood for me, and I am thankful to belong to it even though it is tough. It will be new and different as all of the sisterhoods have been, and the ache in my mama heart will be felt real when I walk by his room and miss our late night conversations, or the kiss on his cheek when he is sleeping. But we know that he is ready for this adventure, and we are ready to cheer him on and pray him through this new journey.
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