The Chair

 Our annual first day of school front porch picture.  There were years when it felt like taking this pic took most of the morning trying to get everyone to smile! 

 School Supplies for one look a lot different than school supplies for five!

There are not too many movies that I recommend, but "Wonder" is one of them. There is this one scene that makes me cry every time I watch it. In fact, it is so accurately portrayed that I see it clearly in my mind.  I will not go into details of the story, but the boy in the movie is heading to middle school after being homeschooled his whole life. He has had multiple surgeries and physical disabilities that add to the complexity of the situation.  After his parents take him to school that first day, his dad goes to work and his mom comes home and sits at a table in their homeschool room. On the table is a cup of freshly sharpened pencils and other miscellaneous school supplies. This is the scene where we see her seated, alone. The chair across from her is an empty one. The chair that the viewer assumes was her son's chair where he did his school for many years. And as her son is now adjusting to a new school classroom, we see her as she looks longingly at the empty chair, choking back tears, and all is quiet. 

This scene strikes a chord with me every time I watch it. We have now graduated four of our five children from our homeschool and just two weeks ago, dropped off another at college.  There were so many years spent with hours of searching and studying curriculum and books to try to meet each of their needs, planning, scheduling, driving to activities and co-ops. I continue to do those things with one still left at home, but it is on a much smaller scale and also it's quieter now.  Every time one of our kids  has graduated, there is an empty chair, much like the scene in the movie. There is an empty chair at our table, an empty bed in our house, a car missing in our driveway, one less seat to save on our row at church, one less number to say at a restaurant, you get the idea.  If you have walked this road, you understand. 

I know in my mom heart that launching a child into adulthood is good and healthy and also a gift! I am so thankful for all of those things.  But also, there is an ache in my heart.  The tears are there and they well up over the smallest of things. I keep choking them back, except when I don't. Yesterday when I was apologizing for my tears and trying hard to fight them, my youngest daughter sweetly reminded me that it was okay to be sad.  She was right and I am thankful for her reminder.

I know from experience that things will be very different from here on out and a new season has started.  Even though change can be hard for me, it is exciting to anticipate the next chapter and what it will look like on the other side.  But then there is fear. Fear wants to creep in, but it will be held back by praying God's Word over him and trusting God, just as I have done (and continue to do) with our other children.  There are so many times in this season of launching that I haven't trusted God as I should have.  

If you are reading this and are in this season also, I encourage you to turn to Scripture and pour your heart to the One who will always listen, always care, and loves your child more than you do!   And when you see the empty chair, may it be a tangible reminder to be grateful for the sweet memories of the past, and the hope of what is to come.